


In A Homestuck Life

by HopelessHomestuckian



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Character Deaths, Gen, Homestuck alternate au, implied OC/canon character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4353035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopelessHomestuckian/pseuds/HopelessHomestuckian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*a sort of alternate-universe reality in which timelines are getting mixed up, eventual appearances of the alpha and beta kids.</p><p>Aislina Aithne has been awaiting months for her copy of SBURB to arrive, and now it's here! With her faithful friends at her side, she enters the game and meets the trolls, who has been trolling them for several months and confront an enemy they created as soon as they entered. The enemy and the threat it holds begin to create tensions in the group and splits them in half, with a traitor leading one side. A time rift in space brings eight kids from an alternate universe-Their names John, Rose, Dave, Jade, Jane, Jake, Dirk, and Roxy.</p><p>Now everyone is confused-Could the alternate universe kids be looking for the same enemy and traitor? Are they an exact mirror of Aislina and her friends?</p><p>That's when a portal opens and kids claiming to be their guardians appear, and the world is upside down and all kinds of weird. As they fight and war with each other, a dark secret begins to unravel...</p><p>*first fanfiction, sorry if the description sucks :D*</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Homestuck Life

ACT ONE 

A young girl stands in the middle of her messy and cluttered room. It just so happens that TODAY, a very random and NON-SIGNIFICANT DATE IN APRIL, is the day she receives the game she has wanted for a long time-SBURB.

 

However, this young girl can not go on without a NAME. What is her name?

FUCKFOOT SMELLTARD

Nice try asshole.

AISLINA AITHNE.

Your name is AISLINA and you are THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. You have a variety of INTERESTS in which includes PARTIES, COMICS, PUZZLE GAMES and HILARIOUS HATS. Your room is a cluttered mess of RUBIK'S CUBES and cheap PARTY HATS given to you by your COUSIN. You live with your COUSIN in apartment 413, and you find his parties to be QUITE LEGENDARY. You are pretty sure you got your PARTY SENSE from him.

You also find an interest in SKELETONS and DEAD BODIES, and have several books of the human anatomy lined on your bookshelf, but you try not to let others know about this. Another thing you try not to let people know about is your passion for COUNTRY MUSIC, but you do rather like showing off your AMAZING GUITAR SKILLS. In reality, you can’t play SHIT. But it’s alright to dream, right?

You have a bit of a passion for WRITING but often ABANDON YOUR WORKS halfway through, and read TERRIBLE FANFICTION. You also have a tendency to trip over your CONVENIENTLY PLACED COMICS and other stuff randomly placed around your house. You and your COUSIN are MESSY AS FUCK. Your PESTERCHUM is strummingFirelord and u tend 2 b simplistic in ur sentences 2 have more time 2 party.

Aislina: Examine room.

There is nothing to view in your ROOM except a few EMPTY PIZZA BOXES from your LATEST SLEEPOVER. You should, however, clean those up. Eventually. One day. Hopefully.

Aislina: Pick up pizza boxes now.

You pick up the PIZZA BOXES and set them on your DESK, but they fall right over. FUCK GRAVITY. You then CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX, accidentally expelling your CAT INTESTINES onto the floor.

Aislina: Pick up cat intestines.

Hahaha, ew. You’re not touching that shit with your bare hands. You will have your MAID clean them up later.

On that note, where is she, anyway? She’s not doing her job. Again. Your room looks as MESSY as ever.

Aislina: Exit room and search for maid.

You check in EVERY ROOM except your COUSIN’S but you see the maid NOWHERE. You wonder if she has perhaps LEFT EARLY like she always does, because, you would like to point out, she doesn’t do SHIT. But you are HUNGRY and decided to walk into the kitchen and prepare a DELICIOUS CAN OF RAVIOLI.

Aislina: Cook ravioli.

You can not COOK the RAVIOLI if you do not open the CAN first, and in order to do that, you must find the CAN-OPENER.

Aislina: Open cabinets.

These cabinets are practically EMPTY. You wonder what their purpose is these days.

Aislina: Get distracted by hat.

You see one of your hat’s lying on the counter. It is one of your WIZARD HATS, but you don’t really like this one in particular. You are not fond of PURPLE POLKA-DOTS. You do, however, put it on for your OWN ENTERTAINMENT.

Aislina: Stop shitting around and eat food.

Okay, you don’t have to be so demanding. But you are still very HUNGRY and get back to work.

Aislina: Trip over conveniently placed comics.

In your haste to look for the CAN OPENER, you accidentally trip over a pile of your OWN COMICS. You curse at your inability to give them a proper place. By the looks of them, they are OLD ARCHIE COMICS. You don’t even READ those anymore. You ignore them anyways despite the danger of tripping AGAIN.

Aislina: Check fridge.

You have no idea why the CAN OPENER would be in the FRIDGE but you once found your sneaker in there, so you might as well TRY. However, nothing is in there, and you slam the fridge in disgust. You hear a few beer bottles break inside.

Aislina: Resist urge to throw can at wall in frustration.

It’s tempting, but you prevail anyways. You must not get impatient; You WILL find that CAN OPENER.

Aislina: Search drawers.

You search through EVERY FUCKING DRAWER before you finally find that damn CAN OPENER.

Aislina: Raise can-opener in victory.

You couldn’t help but feel some sort of VICTORY after finding the CAN OPENER. Now you can eat a DELICIOUS BOWL OF RAVIOLI.

But it seems to enjoy a DELICIOUS BOWL OF RAVIOLI you must first have a BOWL to eat it out of. And the dishes are PILED HIGH AND DIRTY. You don’t really feel like cleaning them, though. You’ll leave that to the MAI-Oh wait.

Aislina: Set can of ravioli down in disappointment.

Finding the CAN OPENER had been a waste of your PRECIOUS TIME. You could have been WRITING by now. Speaking of which, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO THAT.

Aislina: Examine computer.

Your computer is a PIECE OF SHIT. The computer is OVER TEN YEARS OLD and the monitor is CRACKED in several places. The KEYBOARD is loud and clunky and your MOUSE malfunctions every day.

You LOVE IT TO PIECES.

Aislina: Start up computer.

The BAD PART about your computer, sadly, is that it takes FOREVER to start.

Aislina: Spy on neighbors to pass time.

The WINDOW by the COMPUTER is an excellent place for SPYING on your neighbors. This would be much more interesting, however, if your neighbors weren’t LAW-ABIDING CITIZENS.

Aislina: Watch old man attempt to start lawn mower.

Yes, it is quite hilarious. You can’t really see much from here, though, because your apartment is on the THIRD FLOOR.

Aislina: Log into computer.

There are TWO ACCOUNTS on your computer. One for YOU and one for your COUSIN. You have always wondered what your COUSIN’S account is like, but you can NEVER crack his password. No matter how much you pretend to be a PROFESSIONAL HACKER, you are simply not one.

Aislina: Enter password.

Your PASSWORD is ‘uncomplicatedshitisforloserscheese.’

You change yours every MONTH due to feeling like your SECRETS can be stolen by the GOVERNMENT, but why, you would never know. You also like to make them RANDOM and STRANGE.

Aislina: Wait for computer to log in.

Once again, you are forced to wait an UNNECESSARY AMOUNT OF TIME for your computer to log in. You could be halfway to JUPITER by now.

Aislina: Click Internet Explorer.

FINALLY, your computer logs in. You click on INTERNET EXPLORER, though the version is a bit OUTDATED. Luckily, however, it works FASTER than your computer takes to LOG IN, and you are checking your email in no time.

Aislina: Check Wattpad.

You CHECK YOUR WATTPAD ACCOUNT. Your account is slowly gaining popularity and more FOLLOWERS. You like to think of your FOLLOWERS as people who STALK you in real life.

Aislina: Update story.

Haha! Ain’t nobody got time for that shit!

Aislina: Read terrible fanfiction.

Oh my god you just love this fanfiction to pieces. Gasp! Is he gonna kiss her? Is she gonna hold his hand? What’s going to happen?!

Aislina: Squeal.

Of course not! You keep your happiness to yourself. You are that kind of person, after all. But you SMILE a tiny bit.

Aislina: Laugh at Pesterchum notification.

Your NOTIFICATION for Pesterchum is a hilarious CAT SCREAM. You take a moment to CHUCKLE before answering whoever is pestering you.

Aislina: Answer juicyPerjurer.

~juicyPerjurer has begun pestering strummingFirelord~

JP: heeeeeeeeey! are you theeeeeeeere! i’m bored af

SF: wat! wat do u want?

JP: hey there you are! whew i thought you had left me

JP: i thought i would have to scream in agony as i caressed your dying corpse

JP: as michael bay explosions surrounds us

SF: srsly wat do u want im busy here.

JP: doin what? :P

JP: no wait let me guess

JP: havin a hat party

SF: omg ur genius surprises me.

SF: how do u make these amazing assumptions.

JP: because baby i’m a genius

SF: plz dont ever call me baby again. its wrong.

JP: the only thing wrong is why you don’t like me saying this!  
JP: c’mon, i don’t mean anything by iiiiiiit

JP: it’s not like you’re gonna be my girlfriend or anythin

JP: i’m just boooooored

SF: stahp being a drama king and maybe i can help ur problem.

JP: okay yay

SF: so u already have sburb right?

JP: of course i already have SBURB

JP: who do you take me for Aislina

JP: some kind of person who's immature and forgets everything

JP: like say

JP: you

SF: shots fired.

SF: im not as immature as u tho.

JP: can you prove that

JP: everyone knows i’m the awesomest

SF: bcuz the awesomest person in the world spends his time shitting his pants playing scary games.

JP: if you would stop chickenin out every time i asked you to play one maybe you would see how scary these games are

JP: but noooooooooooooo

JP: it’s all partyin with you

JP: like

JP: do you do anything else except party

SF: just so u kno i write.

SF: which is something more creative than whatever u do.

JP: i’m not sayin i have a problem with your excessive partyin

JP: i’m just askin do you actually do anythin else

JP: like um

JP: do you have like a goldfish or somethin

SF: ew no.

SF: i hate fish.

SF: they smell bad.

SF: anyways back 2 the game. so do you have it yet?

JP: how many times am i gonna say yes

SF: so isnt there this thing where u r like my server player or something???

SF: like its co op i guess.

JP: no idea but i’ll have to check it out

JP: by the way you should tell jenny happy bday :P

JP: later

~juicyPerjurer has ceased pestering strummingFirelord~

SF: dont leave yet!!!

SF: wait!!!!

SF: r u gonna be my server player or not!  
SF: <sigh>

Aislina: Curse that idiot.

Can he ever answer one of your questions outrightly or must he ignore them like that? You curse the day he was born!

Aislina: Consider wishing Jenny happy birthday.

You don’t really know if you should do this. You and Jenny are not on the best of terms right now, but it would probably be the polite thing to do. However, you choose to IGNORE this.

Aislina: Turn off computer.

You turn your computer OFF so you are not tempted to WISH JENNY A HAPPY B-DAY and instead take your PHONE with you. It’s a really cool Iphone your COUSIN got for you LAST BIRTHDAY.

Aislina: Trip over more conveniently placed comics.

Ugh! Not again, god dammit! You suspect this is all the work of your cat TESTICLES, whom received his name from your COUSIN. Letting your COUSIN name your cat is one of the BIGGEST REGRETS of your life. It’s kind of funny though.

Anyways, Testicles seems to want to KILL you by dragging your COMICS into random PILES of stuff. But it’s not going to work. You’re sure of it.

Aislina: Engage in staring contest with Testicles.

No way. That is foolishness! You can’t have a staring contest with a cat….

...Until you are wearing your LUCKY HAT!

Aislina: Equip lucky hat.

Dammit, it’s not in your SYLLADEX. It must be UPSTAIRS. You can’t just get into a staring contest (or a contest of any kind) without your LUCKY HAT, so you take a moment to RUSH UPSTAIRS in quest of your hat.

Aislina: Search through shit and find your hat.

You can not find your LUCKY HAT anywhere. You assume it must be DOWNSTAIRS or in your COUSIN’S ROOM.

Oops, it looks like one of your CHUMS is PESTERING you. You just recieved that HILARIOUS NOTIFICATION again. You look at your iPHONE and see who is pestering you.

Oh shit.

It’s HER.

Aislina: Answer chum.

Ha! As if! No WAY you would answer HER. Not at the moment, anyways.

But it seems like SHE won’t take NO for answer and is continuing to PESTER YOU.

Aislina: Throw iPhone at wall.

You have the urge to throw your PRECIOUS PHONE at the wall but instead you power it off. You don’t think THROWING YOUR PHONE would really help you out in any way. But it was FUN CONSIDERING THIS AS AN OPTION.

Aislina: Sit on bed.

You really have nothing to do now but SIT DOWN. You can’t find your LUCKY HAT so you can’t stare at Testicles. You DO, HOWEVER, ENGAGE YOURSELF WITH A RUBIK’S CUBE.

Your day so far is really SUCKING. Not to mention your COUSIN is out on one of his “TRIPS.” You wonder how long he is going to deny what he REALLY DOES. It kind of bums you out that your COUSIN doesn’t really trust you enough to TELL YOU THE TRUTH. You had to find out the HARD WAY.

You suddenly hear the MAIL SLOT clicking and you know what THAT means. It means that your GAME, SBURB, HAS FINALLY ARRIVED.

Aislina: Race downstairs.

You’re going to-

AH FUCK.

You have just stepped, barefoot, into a pile of CAT VOMIT. You glare at TESTICLES, who is sitting like a jackass on the stairs. There is NO WAY you are trailing cat vomit through the house.

Aislina: Find paper towels.

You search for PAPER TOWELS so you can wipe the sick mess of the bottom of your foot. You have PAPER TOWELS in the bathroom, so you HOBBLE over to the BATHROOM.

Aislina: Equip paper towels.

Great-

Aislina: Expel jar of frog blood.

OH GOD DAMMIT.

Man, you really SUCK at your SYLLADEX.

Aislina: Wipe off cat vomit.

Easier SAID than DONE. It’s disgusting and you GAG when you finally clean it off. You discard the paper towel and decide to leave the jar of FROG BLOOD on the ground.

Aislina: Kick Testicles.

Unfortunately for you, Testicles is TOO FAST for you and instead stub your TOE on the WALL.

Dammit.

Aislina: Rush downstairs.

NOW you can RUSH DOWNSTAIRS.

Aislina: Pick up SBURB.

Yes.

YEEEES!

Finally!

Not even a good party could DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS RIGHT NOW. This game was the LATEST TREND and you are ECSTATIC to play it.

Aislina: Tell Mike.

You must PESTER your BEST FRIEND ABOUT THIS!  
  


Well, he isn’t your BEST FRIEND, but you won’t talk to...HER at the moment and your other friend HARDLY ANSWERS HIS PESTERCHUM during the DAY TIME.

~strummingFirelord has begun pestering juicyPerjurer~

SF: guess wat! guess wat!

JP: whaaaaaaaat

SF: i got it!!!

JP: oh really? cool!  
SF: i know im so excited!!!!

SF: do u think my cuz will play with me?

JP: if he doesn’t he’s a jackass

JP: but you make him sound like god so i guess a very awesome jackass

SF: haha, ur so funny.

SF: i wish the internet could display sarcasm.

SF: then u could c that i am dripping in it.

JP: what are you so wounded about

JP: i’m makin a joke, jesus lina

SF: dont call me that please.

JP: fine

SF: anyways r u going to b my server player or wat.

SF: cuz i need 2 know.

JP: uh….no

SF: WAT?!  
SF: Y NOT?!  
JP: um

JP: you see

JP: me and lee

JP: we kind of

JP: made a deal

SF: yes yes u and lee love ur life blah blah blah get 2 the point y not!

JP: i just said we made a deal that i would be his server player

JP: because i owe him

JP: and stop sayin he’s the love of my life

JP: we all know he crushes on jenny

SF: not really.

SF: did he tell u that?

JP: yep

SF: well he lied.

JP: what

SF: he tells me everything. EVERYTHING. not once has he mentioned liking jenny.

JP: well i’m still bein his server player

JP: i’m sorry

JP: shall i make it up with a kiss

SF: ew no way dog breath.

JP: i thought we got over cats versus dogs

SF: nope.

JP: whatever i’ll just go now

SF: u do that.

JP: good

SF: fine.

JP: i’m leavin now

SF: excellent.

JP: awesome

SF: fantastic.

JP: really

SF: of course.

JP: huh

JP: well i’m leavin

SF: me 2.

JP: really?  
SF: yep.

JP: good

JP: you can log out now

SF: fine.

JP: good

~strummingFirelord has ceased pestering juicyPerjurer~

**  
  
  
  
**


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